COMET-CANNIBALS

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My name is Shawn Corden. I’m at Spolee Field near Duluth Mall with my friends Scott, Ashley, and the Wilson twins, David and Greg. Some seriously bogus shit is going down here right now but so far we’ve got it handled.

We were practicing for the Team Speedball Tournament when we heard the screaming from the Pro Shop. Went to check it out and we damn near got trampled by the super-fucked-up people that came charging out. Something is seriously wrong with them. It’s like that movie where the comet turns everyone to cannibals!

Now, me and my teammates have practically lived here since they opened. All that practice got us working like a squad, and we know where everything is. So we kicked away from the comet-cannibals and booked into the storage locker. This thing is built to withstand tornados. It’s also where they keep supplies, plus a machine that makes and fills paintballs.

We’re using sulfuric acid drain-cleaner to make acid-balls and filling others with lighter fluid and turpentine so we can tag these dudes and set em on fire. I even found a pesticide sprayer that I think I can rig like a flamethrower!

We’re already armored up from practice, and we have a game plan written on one of the little maps Spolee printed up for noobies. I’m feeling good about our chances, even if we’re the only ones left alive.

SHAWN